If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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