I want to walk on stilts...naked
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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