I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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