He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You need a sexual gate keeper
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
