I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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