Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
