I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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