found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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