Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
