I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
