i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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