I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
