Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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