no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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