youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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