This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
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WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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