how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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