people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
