So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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