Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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