I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
