we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
