Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
