it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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