On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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