What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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