I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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