If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
