I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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