You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
