I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
