he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Who did Billy Mays play for?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
