Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
