In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
