the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
