Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
