no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
