her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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