The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
