Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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