Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
