oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
