dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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