I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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