that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think your dad took our porno
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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