You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
