You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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