I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
