You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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