Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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