You smell like a Billy Joel song
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
