We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
