In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
