I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
