i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
splinters make it hard to masturbate
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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