Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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