well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
