first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
