I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
