I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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