i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
