Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
