apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
