first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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