He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
