threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
