i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
