I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
