If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
