Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
