My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
