im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
