Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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