Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
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Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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