Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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