I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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