I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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