Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Welp...herpes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
