my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
