Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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