The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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